Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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