Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
