Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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