Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
