Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
where are you?
Hypothermia
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
