So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
