When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
