Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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