Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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