I am midnight drunk by noon
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
