Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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