you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
