I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
