can u get pink eye on your cock?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm too high and old for this...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize