When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Found your dick twin last night
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize