I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
