His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
