While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
