I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
