I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
