I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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