quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
