found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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