Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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