May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
