so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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