it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
