went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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