She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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