im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
