Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
