Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
