Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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