just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You are a genius and a whore.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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