Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
