My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Randomize
