its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
