i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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