are you so shy because you have an std?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
