Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
