Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
