He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
