I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
