OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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