I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
