Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
