he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
