Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize