i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
