Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
