he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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