My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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