Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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