I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
