I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
