she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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