I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
