the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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