Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
