Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
