Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
