I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
